A few times in each generation, a new voice emerges that demands attention. Walt Whitman, Jackson Pollack, Maya Angelou, Quentin Tarantino, Leslie Cummings...
And then there's you. Wowzer. There are so many nice things going on in this story. Nice use of quotes and allusions to other pieces. Excellent characterizations and compatibility with canonical references. You made some unusual choices, and surprising choices are the currency of fiction.
I did think your pacing was somewhat elliptical, especially in the section where she was sleeping by the door. I didn't feel that passage of time as effectively as elsewhere in the piece. I thought perhaps that was intentional, to match her disorientation as she is woken (which would be subtle and VERY slick) but the text doesn't really hold up to that reading either.
Still, and overall, a very enjoyable read from a romantic pairing that I don;t particularly find inspiring myself. Always a delight to discover something new, and I thank you.
A Slayer is Born...
And then there's you. Wowzer. There are so many nice things going on in this story. Nice use of quotes and allusions to other pieces. Excellent characterizations and compatibility with canonical references. You made some unusual choices, and surprising choices are the currency of fiction.
I did think your pacing was somewhat elliptical, especially in the section where she was sleeping by the door. I didn't feel that passage of time as effectively as elsewhere in the piece. I thought perhaps that was intentional, to match her disorientation as she is woken (which would be subtle and VERY slick) but the text doesn't really hold up to that reading either.
Still, and overall, a very enjoyable read from a romantic pairing that I don;t particularly find inspiring myself. Always a delight to discover something new, and I thank you.
ReverendKilljoy